The New Proverbs 31 Woman...

So…yeah, I don’t love the Proverbs 31 woman.  Here’s my beef with her: 

I don’t measure up.

Not even close.  Not even a little bit. Not even at all (yes, that should be read like Julia Stiles from 10 Things I Hate About You). 

So naturally, instead of trying to better myself and make goals to be more like her, I did what any stubborn, insecure girl would do- I resented her.  

My sour attitude stems from numerous superficial readings of this chapter and from overused motivational phrases often heard at Christian women conferences and Bible studies.  And  because I had not made concerted effort to understand the history or context of this chapter, I had missed a key element in understanding her.  Instead, I had built the Proverbs 31 woman up to be a cruel to-do list, an unkind reminder that I am not as good as I think I am, and that I don’t in fact, have it all together. 

Round #1:

Her: “She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her serving girls” (Proverbs 31:15)

Me: I do wake before Katie, but not by choice.  My job demands it.  I have yet to make her breakfast, and I doubt that it’s in her near future.  I think I may have folded her laundry once, but my motive was entirely selfish.  I needed the dryer.  I was not going to be “that girl” who just dumps someone’s laundry on the floor.  I mean, I’m not heartless, just a little selfish.  

Winner:  Proverbs 31 woman

Round #2:

Her: "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard." (31:16) In other words, she is a financial powerhouse. 

Me:  I don’t understand money.  Don’t ask me about my retirement plan or the interest rate on my house or even how much money I have in my bank account.  Your guess is as good as mine.

Winner: Proverbs 31 woman.

Round #3:

Her:  “Her arms are strong for her tasks” (31:17)

Me:  I can’t do a pull-up to save my life, and I struggle with downward dog during yoga.  I even cringe to think that I may have contracted what has plagued teachers for generations- the dreadful “teacher arms.”  You know exactly what I’m talking about, those pesky, flabby things that jiggle when teachers write on white boards.  Gag.

Winner:   Do I even need to say it? 

But here’s what dawned on me yesterday:  I was missing the boat.  The woman I had fabricated in my mind was not the Proverbs 31 woman.  I had dissected her so much that I made her into something fake, something plastic, something false. I had turned her into the unattainable, flawless woman on the cover of a magazine, rather than into what she was intended to be, a woman full of grace, love, and humility. 

But yesterday, I learned something that rocked my world:

The original Proverbs 31 was offered as a Jewish poem given by a husband to his a wife to offer her praises in the ordinary.  It was a love song, not a critique.  It was an attempt to praise women as the beautiful, incredible creatures that God created them to be, not to belittle them for their shortcomings.

Well, hey, that’s something I can get on-board with.

So I did. I began examining the amazing women God has put before me and was amazed to find a slew of Proverbs 31 women in my life. 

To me, the Proverbs 31 woman:

• is the woman who walks in the frigid cold on a murky street in Pasadena to accompany her tender hearted niece back to a trailer. She is also the woman who continues to stand outside in the cold as the aforementioned niece pours her heart out, seeking affirmation and wisdom.
• is the woman who signs up for a 5k at the young age of 63 to better her health and her life and to make her daughter incredibly proud.
• is the one who answers the phone when her neurotic friend calls in a helpless mess.  She offers grace and insight, sprinkled with a little humor and sarcasm to aid in her friend’s distress.
• is the one who sends the text, “I can’t promise to fix all your problems, but I can promise you won’t have to face them alone,” at a time when her friend has a big life decision to make.
• is the one who tells her mildly unhygienic and self-conscious cousin that she’s beautiful, even though the greasy hair and grungy sweatshirt would suggest otherwise.

These women aren’t curing cancer, or running multi-million dollar philanthropies, or contributing to Martha Stewart’s magazine.  They aren’t on the cover of Forbes or featured on a Dateline NBC special.  No, they are ordinary women who exude valor.  And they are all showing me that God’s grace and love makes them beautiful and lovely inside and out.

So, instead of turning the Proverbs 31 woman into another mirror to reflect our inadequacies, I chose to see her many facets in the captivating women that surround me.  And maybe, just maybe, I’ll even begin to see those facets in myself.

Winner:  ?