The New Proverbs 31 Woman...

So…yeah, I don’t love the Proverbs 31 woman.  Here’s my beef with her: 

I don’t measure up.

Not even close.  Not even a little bit. Not even at all (yes, that should be read like Julia Stiles from 10 Things I Hate About You). 

So naturally, instead of trying to better myself and make goals to be more like her, I did what any stubborn, insecure girl would do- I resented her.  

My sour attitude stems from numerous superficial readings of this chapter and from overused motivational phrases often heard at Christian women conferences and Bible studies.  And  because I had not made concerted effort to understand the history or context of this chapter, I had missed a key element in understanding her.  Instead, I had built the Proverbs 31 woman up to be a cruel to-do list, an unkind reminder that I am not as good as I think I am, and that I don’t in fact, have it all together. 

Round #1:

Her: “She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her serving girls” (Proverbs 31:15)

Me: I do wake before Katie, but not by choice.  My job demands it.  I have yet to make her breakfast, and I doubt that it’s in her near future.  I think I may have folded her laundry once, but my motive was entirely selfish.  I needed the dryer.  I was not going to be “that girl” who just dumps someone’s laundry on the floor.  I mean, I’m not heartless, just a little selfish.  

Winner:  Proverbs 31 woman

Round #2:

Her: "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard." (31:16) In other words, she is a financial powerhouse. 

Me:  I don’t understand money.  Don’t ask me about my retirement plan or the interest rate on my house or even how much money I have in my bank account.  Your guess is as good as mine.

Winner: Proverbs 31 woman.

Round #3:

Her:  “Her arms are strong for her tasks” (31:17)

Me:  I can’t do a pull-up to save my life, and I struggle with downward dog during yoga.  I even cringe to think that I may have contracted what has plagued teachers for generations- the dreadful “teacher arms.”  You know exactly what I’m talking about, those pesky, flabby things that jiggle when teachers write on white boards.  Gag.

Winner:   Do I even need to say it? 

But here’s what dawned on me yesterday:  I was missing the boat.  The woman I had fabricated in my mind was not the Proverbs 31 woman.  I had dissected her so much that I made her into something fake, something plastic, something false. I had turned her into the unattainable, flawless woman on the cover of a magazine, rather than into what she was intended to be, a woman full of grace, love, and humility. 

But yesterday, I learned something that rocked my world:

The original Proverbs 31 was offered as a Jewish poem given by a husband to his a wife to offer her praises in the ordinary.  It was a love song, not a critique.  It was an attempt to praise women as the beautiful, incredible creatures that God created them to be, not to belittle them for their shortcomings.

Well, hey, that’s something I can get on-board with.

So I did. I began examining the amazing women God has put before me and was amazed to find a slew of Proverbs 31 women in my life. 

To me, the Proverbs 31 woman:

• is the woman who walks in the frigid cold on a murky street in Pasadena to accompany her tender hearted niece back to a trailer. She is also the woman who continues to stand outside in the cold as the aforementioned niece pours her heart out, seeking affirmation and wisdom.
• is the woman who signs up for a 5k at the young age of 63 to better her health and her life and to make her daughter incredibly proud.
• is the one who answers the phone when her neurotic friend calls in a helpless mess.  She offers grace and insight, sprinkled with a little humor and sarcasm to aid in her friend’s distress.
• is the one who sends the text, “I can’t promise to fix all your problems, but I can promise you won’t have to face them alone,” at a time when her friend has a big life decision to make.
• is the one who tells her mildly unhygienic and self-conscious cousin that she’s beautiful, even though the greasy hair and grungy sweatshirt would suggest otherwise.

These women aren’t curing cancer, or running multi-million dollar philanthropies, or contributing to Martha Stewart’s magazine.  They aren’t on the cover of Forbes or featured on a Dateline NBC special.  No, they are ordinary women who exude valor.  And they are all showing me that God’s grace and love makes them beautiful and lovely inside and out.

So, instead of turning the Proverbs 31 woman into another mirror to reflect our inadequacies, I chose to see her many facets in the captivating women that surround me.  And maybe, just maybe, I’ll even begin to see those facets in myself.

Winner:  ?

A Lesson from a Horse

I really struggle with this word.

A close examination of my past mistakes and the subsequent hurts would affirm that extending and receiving trust is a challenge for me.  Instead, I closely guard my heart, locking it tightly away, terrified to let the world see what I have to offer.  It's safer this way.  It's cautious.  It's also completely paralyzing.

Yesterday, my uncle and cousins, who I might add are some of the most selfless, trusting people I ever met, took me horseback riding on the Californian coast.  Go ahead.  Let the pangs of jealousy subside.  I am fully aware of how ethereal and perfect yesterday was, and it's not often I'm graced with days like that.

The poetic nature of my day was made complete with the crisp air enveloping me as I climbed aboard Tahoe, my mildly ornery partner for the afternoon.  The halter (yes, I looked up this term), was bothering her, and it was obvious that she didn't enjoy me controlling her direction or speed.

And then it hit me.

I am Tahoe.  Giving someone the reins to my life, trusting that their master plan is better than my own, is just too hard.  I want to choose whether I turn right and run straight into the breakers, diving head first into the icy water, or turn left and head to the highest sand dune.  I want to choose my speed, dictating when and where I'll end up.

But it's not up to me.

I do not hold the reins.  It's not why I was created.  I was created with the ultimate purpose to hand over the reins of my life and my heart to my Father, who loves me beyond measure.  God, not limited by time or distance, sees the scope of my life.  His knowledge and His promise to "prosper me, not harm me," has me going in directions and speeds that make me uncomfortable.

Like Tahoe, sometimes I need a swift kick in the side to get me going.  Whether it's a sudden heart break, a a job change, or a sharp comment by a friend, these life events shift my perspective, changing my course all together.  I think God uses these to not so gentle reminders to point out that my life IS NOT ABOUT ME.

Like Tahoe, sometimes God has to say "whoa," prompting me to slow down.  Sometimes my exuberance exceeds me, causing me to be rash and compulsive.  God often needs to remind me that a slow trot is what He desires for my life pace.  His gentle reminder is, "You'll get there soon, Sweetie. Don't rush."

Like Tahoe, when I trust the one holding the reins, I get to see and experience life to the fullest measure. She and I took a little detour through the sand dunes, following a small path that previous riders had mapped out.  And because I trusted that the windy path would eventually bring me back to the ocean's shore, I was granted with the most poetic scenery, spurring a restful reprieve from the chaos of my world.  The hills, the sand, the protruding bushes, the picturesque cloud cover were enough to make me feel like I was living in a movie.  To say it simply, it was a writer's dream.

When we finally circled back, the ocean waves growing more pronounced with every step, I was overwhelmed at God's creation and His plan for me to experience it.

I had trusted and was not disappointed.

Joshua 21:45 says, "Not one of the good promises which the LORD had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass."

So while, I will likely continue to struggle with trust issues, trusting the one who holds the reins to my life, and more importantly my heart, should not be so challenging.

New Definition of Working Late

It's 4 am on a Friday evening, and I am still at work.  

Some would call that crazy, but I call it perfect.  I am not droning over a stark white computer screen or answering phone calls from around the globe.  I am not working late on a report to meet an unreasonable deadline.  For any of that, being at work until 4 am would be crazy.

No, I am still at work staring out into the sea of brightly colored blankets that conceal 40 sleeping middle school girls.

Like I said, perfect. 

Most of the inspiration for my writing comes when my heart is heavy, when my emotions have become so overwhelming that I feel I'm on the verge of collapsing.  Fortunately, this is not one of those blog posts. 

No, tonight I am overwhelmed with gratefulness that I'm still at school at this ghastly hour.   In fact, there is no where in the world I would rather be than sitting here, loving the girls in front of me.

With the help of some of the greatest friends I could ask for, I was blessed to serve 44 middle school girls by offering them a night away from the chaos and the disappointment in their lives.  For one night, these girls could trade make-up, drama, and boys for laughter, whimsy, and musical chairs.  They traded their too-tight shirts and eye rolls for pajama bottoms and giggles.  We laughed over my awkward attempts at Zumba, the 6 inch tear in my pants, and my off-key singing to One Direction.  And these girls made gingerbread houses.  Can I just tell you, only a handful of them had ever made one before.  Only a handful. 

***

I am so incredibly humbled that God would call me to "bump" into these young women.  Really? Me? Why?  It's so hard for me to grasp and accept the thought that when He created me, He knew I would one day run into each of these ladies to play a role only He could have designed.  

I wish with my whole being that these girls would see themselves the way I see them- as captivating and remarkable.  I wish they knew how much my heart swells with pride when I see them invite a girl with special needs to play hide and seek or when they give up their seat in musical chairs to let their friend continue playing.  These girls have no idea how much they are capable of or how they are impacting the people around them, namely me. 

And that's when it hit me.  They way I look at these girls is only a glimmer of how God sees me.  He sees my mess ups.  He sees when I roll my eyes or make a snide comment under my breath.  He sees that deep down, I am just an insecure middle girl desperate to belong.  

And yet, He still loves me.  

And because He loved me, the next time an 8th grade girl lies to me or disappoints me, I will continue to love on them.  

Tonight, or I guess this morning, I realize how blessed I am.  God has trusted me with these girls' hearts, and in serving them, I have found so much joy and peace about where my life is heading.  

Again, tonight has been perfect.