Parent-Teacher Conferences

I am currently sitting at my computer at school, nervously waiting for my next parent-teacher conference. For this quarter, we only need to meet with the parents of students who are not proficient in one or more academic areas. Basically, I still meet with all my students.


Well, I'm finding these conferences to be emotionally draining. It's so hard telling parents their child is not where they need to be. I think one of the hardest things a first year teacher must learn is to distance themselves from their students' performance on a test or assignment. For most of my short teaching career, I have thought that my students' successes are my own successes and their failures, or rather their short-comings, are my own short-comings. But I've slowly begun to realize, that much more plays into a student's achievement and success in school than my own hopes and goals for that kid. I still expect all my students to leave my room having done their personal best each day, but I'm starting to understand that I put too much pressure on myself, and it's affecting my attitude and disposition. As my Daily Dove Chocolate says, "Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect." This piece of tin foil is neatly taped to my computer for my daily reminder. I come prepared, I know my kids, and I love my job. This is what gets me through nights like tonight.

On the plus side: I love my students. They are hilarious and I can be brought to tears of laughter by many of them. One of my bright-eyed students eagerly ran up to me this morning. He was grinning.
"Ms. Eakle! Guess what I did last night?"
"What? Um...ate dinner and went to bed?"
"Haha, no! I superglued my hands together." :) Yes these are the wonderful kids I have the pleasure of knowing.

Love Your Life?

As I sit here after a grueling 15 hour day, I am reminded of a conversation I had with the para who is in my room for an hour a day. She received her bachelor's from a small private Christian college in Florida and taught in the primary grades for a few years in a private school there. She and her husband moved here over the summer for his job. She assumed she'd resume teaching once she could obtain a Colorado license. Well, long story short her school is not accredited outside the state of Florida. Therefore, according to the state of Colorado, she does not have a bachelors, much less a valid teaching license. She told me that they basically told her that if she wants to teach in a public school here, she'll have to take 4 years of college again and repeat her student teaching. She basically had the attitude that if she had to redo her college years again, maybe it was time to try something new.

She made me question, "If I had the choice to do something different, would I?" She is in an interesting position. If she chooses to return to school for another bachelors, she could choose to be anything she wanted. I suggested nursing, but really her options are endless. I wonder, if I was not already waist-deep in my own "life choice," would I choose this again knowing what I know now? Would the long hours and feelings of inadequacy and futility steer me in a new direction? Or, would the relationships I've developed with 27 special kids, my teammate, and my collegues trump my own frustrations and exhaustion?

I know I am lucky to be where I am in my life. I am fortunate that I am grounded and have a very fulfilling job to wake up to every morning. I have a consistent paycheck, a lot of time off, and more importantly, I feel like I'm doing something bigger than myself. That should be reason enough to love my job and my life, right?

I am currently working on LOVING MY LIFE, as Michael Rossback states. This means reminding myself of the funny anecdotes that my students have blessed me with, my wonderful friends that support my professional choice, and God for His purpose for my life. With time, and a little red wine, I think this semester will be more successful and motivating than this past one.

Quotes:
-A student was starting to read the classic, Sarah, Plain and Tall. Upon examining the cover and title, he states, "Geez this must ba a really new book!" "Um, why's that," replied teacher. "Well, duh. It's about Sarah Palin. How old can it be then?" :) Is it wrong that I was simply relieved that he didn't add or omit letters to that word?

Winter Break: More for the Teacher, than the Student

As my two weeks without my little 9 year olds comes regretfully to a close, I can't help but feel more at peace with my decision to enter this profession. Yes, I get week- long breaks sporadically throughout the year, not to mention my 2 month vacation that will close out my first year of teaching, but more importantly, I am lucky enough to have a job that makes me feel both proud to be working with such incredible people and also humble to know that I am probably unqualified for it. I feel incredibly blessed to have such a supportive staff and some of the most hilarious students a teacher could ask for. They make me crave for Monday when my life will return to simplicity and predictability.

I have enjoyed these two weeks of spontaneity and freedom. I have had some incredible experiences with incredible people, but in all honesty, I crave the chaos and frustration that has characterized my first semester of teaching. Getting back into my classroom again where I can obsessively sharpen pencils, reorganinze all my materials, remind my students again and again not to stuff all their papers hapazardly into their desks, is what I truly desire. I love knowing that God has placed me at this school with these kids for a reason. Granted, I haven't figured out that purpose yet, but I feel honored that He would see me as worthy of knowing these awesome little people. Don't get me wrong, I HATE planning and I am SO over grading homework. But my job can't be great all the time; otherwise, everyone would do it, and I may be out of a job! :)

I am excited for the second hurdle of my first year as a fourth grade teacher. I am praying it is a little easier than my first semester, but am realistic in thinking it will probably be the same. I am nervous for the end of the year when I'll have to say goodbye to these kids I've grown to love. And, I am celebrating that in 5 months I will get 2 months to enjoy being spontaneous and carefree again. This winter break has been a nice reminder of how nice that can be.