Not a First Year Teacher Anymore...

I came across my own blog a few months back, when I tried commenting on a friend's post.  In order to do so,  I had to log into my own blog.  Instantly, upon hearing David Barnes "A Night Like This," I was taken back to the small bedroom I rented from a girl I met on Craiglist (yes...I know, not one of my finer decisions).  I remember sitting in that lilac bedroom, overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and loneliness that accompanied my first year of teaching.  Every veteran teacher says, "Your first year is the hardest."  Agreed.  Never in my life have I ever felt so insecure, incapable, and to be honest, miserable with my life. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved my 4th graders. They made me laugh with their innocent, and often inappropriate outbursts.  They made me thankful I was in a position in life where I could leave them at school, and re-enter the young adult world with my friends.  They made me thankful that I had a job at all.  But, that year was hard. Very hard. 

And ironically, almost three years later, I look back at those old posts, and realize that despite changing grade-levels, content areas, and teams, not much else has changed.  Teaching is still hard. My students are still challenging.  And I still struggle to find balance in my life.   

As much as a I say the 08-09 school year (yes, my life is defined by quarters, semesters, and school years) was difficult, the the 11-12 school year is proving to be just as trying. I teach middle school English. Yes, I  willingly ventured into the world of angsty, hormone-driven pre-teens, who are too consumed with facebook, texting, and appearances to actually pick up a book and read it cover to cover, all in hopes that I can help them see themselves as readers and writers. 

Challenging is an understatement.  But, I also love this position more than I could have ever imagined.  Seeing my dramatic, insecure girls find a voice through writing makes my heart smile.  Having my boys want to talk to me about their latest, post-apocalyptic novel makes me chuckle. 

So, here's my attempt to getting back into blogging. After all, I'm an English teacher, and therefore, I'm supposed to see myself as a writer...or something.